The War Rages On

So, after my daily scouting on the net for the latest news on video games and stuff of the sort, I came upon this platter of slather and lies. I absolutely refuse to call this hunk of crap a review or any other kind of respectable name.

Upon first look, you can already tell the author is going to be biased towards the game he's reviewing. The game in question is Halo 3:ODST, which is still unreleased I mind you. What I find absolutely hilarious is that he spends his first page saying he's not going to bash the game at all, yet he spends three actually bashing the entire series. Not just ODST.

This "journalist" as he calls himself, is actually quite clever in the most annoying way. The dumb ass gets paid for every view he gets. Logical step? Make a bogus ODST review and enrage every Halo and MS fanboy out there, and then get Nintendo and Sony fanboys to join in. That's an easy few thousand views. This "intellectual," as he also erroneously calls himself, has pretty much started a second console war. While yes, I agree the console war has never really been appeased, and it has already been stirred up again due to the PS3 slim and Xbox price drop, but this guy has single handedly turned MS players against Nintendo and Sony players. And even the Wii and Sony players are turning on each other. It's just a mad house at this point. Even some of the neutral opinions have been turned to one side because there is just so much slander and babbling going on, you have no idea what's going on and you just have this sudden urge to fight in the mess as well.

Now onto his actually review. This dude seems to have some sort of sick, disgusting, twisted Wii-mote fetish. He practically worships the thing, hailing it as the best controller ever invented. Now, besides the fact that he just blatanly defined himself as a huge Nintedo fag, we now have this, and I quote, "...the dual wielding is there..."

Actually, smart one. It's not. Many people stopped reading after "dual wielding." They already knew the review was complete shit and only meant to stir up flaming. But some of us read on, entertained by the author's obvious lack of research on the game. "Same familiar weapons." He continues. Um. No. Silenced SMG? Silenced Auto Mag? No Battle Rifle? Plenty has changed from the "familiar" we've come to know. "Nothing new." You're right. VISR, Firefight, non-linear campaign, totally new environments. Yes, sir. You. Are. 100%. Right.

Now, I could go on about everything false statement in this guy's review, but I want you to read it for yourself. Yes, he's getting money, that sad, sad bastard, but at least you'll get a laugh out of it. It's four pages of off-topic, fanboy, Nintedo blow jobbing, bashing faggotry. A good two pages has absolutely nothing to do with ODST and a good one and a half pages has nothing to do with Halo in general at all.

This review has made me wonder so much today how one, stupid and uncreditable review can turn thousands of gamers upon one another. N4G has become a giant battle ground in the past few hours. Literally hundreds, yes, hundreds of gamers wreacking havoc in the forums, trying to assert their favorite console's dominance. Is this what gaming comes down to? Bogus reviews turning us into fanboys?

Now. Many of you... whoever is reading this, will define me as an Xbox fanboy. No, you dumb asses. It is perfectly acceptable to defend something's credibility from fanboys, before the damn thing even comes out. Once the game comes out, then you're free to hate all you want. Until then, keep your dumb ass opinions to yourself. They have no merit here and they just make you look like a bunch of butthurt puppies. And I'm talking to you Xbox fanboys as well. It's an OPINION. As long as you know Halo is the best selling gaming series and it's on the damn Xbox, what else do you guys have to worry about?

Now, to end this rant, all of you fanboys need to shut up now. This bogus piece of crap means nothing about the game, and if you agree with this crap...then you're just as big of an idiot and fanboy. "I R NO FANBOI! U IZ FANBOI!" Fanboy - someone who has great prejudice against something without experiencing or viewing it, generally because it hinders the success of something they support. You are the fanboy. If you think ODST sucks, you're a fanboy. It's just impossible to comprehend how you know a game sucks before it comes out. You can't, that's what. It's like walking into a clothing store blindfolded and saying, "Everything in this store looks like crap." It just makes you look like a fool. Now, grow a pair and wait until the game comes out, you fucking fanboys. Your faggotry astounds me.

ODST drops September 22, 2009. You're either going to buy it or not. Either way, Halo is still going to be successful for several years to come. Considering it already has 1.9 million pre-orders, you fanboys are going to be crying from some time. And to quote a famous video game character, "CRY S'MOOORRREEE!!"